It’s been a long time since posting here. It’s been a very different sort of year, this 2020. And I find myself pondering my word for the year, wander. What a word.
To wander: (verb) to walk or move in a leisurely, casual, or aimless way, to move around.
Wander: (noun) an act or instance of wandering.
Wander is sometimes confused with wonder; definitely where I’ve been finding myself in the past months.
https://www.danielledoby.com/ Danielle Doby’s book, I am Her Tribe continues to be a companion for me in this wandering, pandemic overcast 2020. Lines from her poem the practice/wonder, appear often in my journals.
“i am still learning…
i do not allow my anxiety to consume me
for not having all of the answers…
i trust the freedom living in the unknown
in this wide open space
i hold the power to create something
that has yet to exist.”
I spent the final evening of 2019 watching the sun set on the banks of the Arno River, Florence, Italy. Wander and wonder, illuminated the sky with orange and pink edged clouds, reflecting off the watery surface below. I bowed in gratitude for 2019 and looked hopefully toward 2020. Filled with curiosity about how ‘wander’ would weave its way through the year. Hopeful me, I thought it was going to be more travel around the globe with my spouse. Oh my…
Before Covid-19 took up residence in the US, I was traveling back and forth to Vancouver, B.C. Canada. Born and raised Canadian, my Mom and extended family live in B.C. I thought one of the big goals of the year was going to be the downsizing, selling and the moving of my Mom to a senior resident living community. Oh my. That move happened just before lockdown. I wandered into selling a condo, sorting and downsizing 23 years of life, selling silver, exploring the world of antiques and dealers, meeting professional, kind, knowledgable folks; hiring movers, packing boxes, deep breaths and letting go. In hindsight, the timing, was remarkable.
I have not been able to wander to Vancouver to see my Mom, her new home, my brother and sister in law, other family members, since March 13. This is the longest time in 13 years that I have not physically seen my Mom.
And so I find myself practicing wander: via watercolor painting (http://letsmakeart.com) and exploration, soulstrolling (http://soulstrolling.com) in my neighborhood, journaling pages and pages of questions, thoughts; threads of poetry that seem to fly away like a kite and I’ve forgotten to grasp ahold of the string.
Sitting down at the Yamaha upright piano that’s moved with me since I left home 33 years ago, playing with my moon drum from Bali. Yoga, stand up paddle boarding, creative distancing with friends, zoom writers gatherings, pausing with photo memories from past travels, lighting incense and candles, watching hummingbirds zip, fly, pause, drink from the feeder – their tiny bejeweled bodies glistening in the summer sun.
Wander and wonder, invites me, with intention, to read books and explore my white privilege. How it has shaped, informed, moved its way in my life. I am a cis-gendered, white female with privilege. I’m trying to learn and un-learn. Hoping to do better, be better.
https://www.ibramxkendi.com/how-to-be-an-antiracist-1 How to be an anti-racist, Ibram X. Kendi
https://www.indiebound.org/book/9781580058827 So you want to talk about race, Ijeoma Olua
I’m Still Here, Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness, Austin Channing Brownhttp://austinchanning.com/
me and white supremacy, Layla F. Saad http://laylafsaad.com/
all about love, bell hooks http://www.bellhooksinstitute.com/
“Always, we begin again.” Here’s to wander and wonder and wherever it may lead and invite me to be.